‘Oh, we do like to be beside the sideboard’…

I’ve been rearranging my Easter break, you see. Not for me a trip abroad now, something far closer to home beckons, but the brochure looks nice and plans are well under way…

First up, I will be spending time in the kitchen, I’m told you get a real feel for the house, the culture and the history of the place. It’s the focal point of the community and a Mecca for any connoisseur of the pie.

Then on to the lounge as it’s supposed to be nice in the late morning. A change of scenery, a stroll through a doorway, a journey of discovery, awash with freshly painted architrave. Ahoy, what better time to experience the splendour of Mole’s breath No. 276 on the walls. (In the event of further redecoration taking place, a substitute voucher may be offered.Representative example; 15 minutes standing in the airing cupboard.Terms & condition apply, valid until July.)

If there’s only one thing to fit into this trip, it would be a visit to the hall and landing just after lunchtime. Wonderful around Easter and if you dare to brave the 13 steps to the summit of the upstairs landing, it’s a sight to behold. Look out for the deer and other local wildlife. (NB. Pre-book to avoid disappointment.)

A given, is a trip to the bathroom early afternoon, followed by a lazy wander back down to the kitchen. The afternoon hustle and bustle are a real experience, along with the aromas of the evening dinner wafting across the pimped IKEA dining table.

Evening drinks are never complete without a visit to the cupboard straight after loading up the dishwasher. The array of gins is staggering, easily four or five brands to indulge. Enjoy your tipple leaning against a wall, holding a chair, or even standing in some space. Corned beef canapes are optional.

Weather permitting, there are some super day trips out and about. I was thinking of going into the back garden on one, or maybe even two days. It’s rumoured you can see the main road on a clear day. Another ‘must’ is to go and stand on the front steps around mid-afternoon. The calm and tranquillity are unrivalled.

Nostalgia junkies will love re-living a little bit of their childhood. You can hire a flask of tea and go and sit in the car for 30 minutes. Stare at people walking past and do nothing, just like the good old days. If you’re feeling daring, add a Cornetto for a £2 supplement. (Please note, flask hire only available October – February. Cornetto subject to availability, may contain nuts.)…

…Well, you’ve got to look on the bright side?

Forget the joy of a proper holiday, who would have dreamed two weeks’ ago of the delight even to be found in getting up and leaving your home for your commute to ‘work’?... Aaaaahh, the favourite seat, the travel buddy you haven’t seen for four or five months. The overly loud whine of music from the ear pods of the person opposite. Cramped, uncomfortable, noisy and smelly, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Roll on the end of lock-down, but in the meantime stay safe and healthy…­­

PS: I have never painted or intend to paint any surface in Mole’s breath No.276.